Alone

“Alone but not lonely”

Something good to remember.
But when does a period long enough being alone tip the scale and transforms solitude into loneliness?

Other than the plentiful Facebook and Instagram likes and waving of hands to passing acquaintances in school, it seems I am alone, for far too long than I have been.
Perhaps it is the time of the year where everyone hit the books? Despite my demeanour,
I lust for human interaction, and it feels like it’s been too long without. Perhaps it’s cause just at this moment, the people I can talk to all coincidentally departed or are unavailable at this same time. Oh wells, writing my thoughts down is just a substitute for talking to someone, I guess? Things will get better after the exams end, right?
So I should stop whining about how I have no friends and maybe reflect on why that is the case in the first place.

Amidst my procrastination on Facebook, I realized I was never really a good keeper of friends. From another perspective, you can also put it that I am not a good friend to keep. Maybe I am?
As I browse through the photos of my friends who I held close at different junctures in life, I cannot help but wonder why am I not in the photos as well? Am I not being a good enough friend? Am I just boring as a person? This sucks. As I scroll through my contacts list in my phone, I realize that there is not many people I can talk to simply without creeping them out because I want to, you know, just chat.

The world doesn’t revolve around me, I know.
But if anything, I would like to know how to be a better friend, a friend where people will actually turn to.
You know, I’m really fine with eating alone, studying alone, doing stuff alone.
I don’t need friends to appear like I have a social life.
I just enjoy the feeling of learning and knowing more about each unique person.
Of course, these kind of things cannot be forced.
Maybe I should stop being a stoner and talk more, smile more, sound more excited?
That being said, my monotonous voice does no justice to my actual enthusiasm haha.

Ah, I’m alone, and I’m getting lonely.

I don’t feel like doing anything, I just want to chat.

Things will get better after this busy period, right?

“人生的际遇千百种,
但有知心長相重”

Sometimes in life you meet people, who you can talk to about anything, and when the silence shared is comfortable. Then, after a period of absence, it’s still the same.
They are the ones who will be there for you and its amazing that your paths crossed in the grand scheme of things so don’t disappoint them like I did.

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